where does the pee come out of this thing
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
