You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
