I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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