You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
