That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
