i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And then my night got REAL pukey
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
