i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he wants to bone in the snuggie
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
