I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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