I look better un-naked...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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