people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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