He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
