Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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