We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
