Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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