oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
