i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
