im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
