I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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