Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
