if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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