I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's shark week go big or go home
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
