I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
