I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
