Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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