Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
