6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
