Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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