Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
