I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
