apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
