double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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