I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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