It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
