I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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