i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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