Just fell off a train. Bad.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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