Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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