Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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