Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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