I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
