then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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