So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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