please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
