Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
