So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
