I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
