Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I understand Curling. That high.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bring money and cleavage
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
