why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
