Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
