I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
