I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
