'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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