You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
