you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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